I have no skin

Greetings Sloppy Joe, 

I have no skin to protect me. No shield from all the intensity of my feelings. Wave after wave crashes into me, leaving only an emotional wreck behind. 

To feel deeply in a world like ours feels like a curse. One I have unfortunately been chosen to bear. While many can simply shake off whatever comes their way, I am engulfed in it. Keeping calm and carrying on has never been possible for me. How I wish it were. 

Yet some believe that feeling emotions deeply is not a curse but a blessing. Those with the condition experience life in a fuller, purer way. You only get one life, so why not experience everything it has to offer, both good and bad, to the utmost intensity! 

Don’t be numb to the world. Feel everything. 

I see both sides, SJ, and I’ve struggled to find the answer that works best for me. On one hand, I don’t want to become cut off from my feelings in the hopes that living will be easier. My laughs, tears, and everything in between are small reminders that I am alive and taking part in humanity’s often messy story. To lose that would mean losing a part of myself. And I’ve already had to do that enough for one lifetime. 

But I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t longed to change that overly emotional part of myself, especially when I see others put on a strong front and continue on. They don’t become partially paralyzed like I often find myself. I envy their talent of not giving a fuck, or at least not letting others know they have any fucks to give. Why can’t I live like that? Why must I wear my most delicate heart on my sleeve, exposed to a world that often wants to hurt it?

Maybe a clear answer will never be kind enough to come to me, and I simply have to accept that my current condition is everlasting. Sure, having no skin can be a problem, especially in a world that too often sees cruelty as the point

But maybe, just maybe SJ, my intensity of feeling can be a superpower in that same kind of world. Instead of giving in to apathy and indifference, I can be a small reminder that to feel is to live, and everything in between. 

And why not feel, and live, to the fullest?